so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
