i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
