If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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