My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
