That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
