Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
