some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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