Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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