fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
