Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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