I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
