i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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