so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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