4 words: hood of his car
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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