I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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