Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can I color on your dick again?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
