My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
