i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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