I got chris browned last night
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The best revenge is premature balding
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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