I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
