i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
high people should be assigned attendants
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
