So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My life is pants optional.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
