Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
