So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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