trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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