Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She made me pour olive oil on her.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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