This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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