Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
