My room smells like vodka and shame
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
