Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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