We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
