I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
