I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
