there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
