Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just threw up on my dentist
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
