I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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