This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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