I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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