Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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