Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
