I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
