we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
