YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
