i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
