I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
