god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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