I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
