i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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