Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize