the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
