I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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