My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
