on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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