what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize