Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
