perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
this is an emotional support booty call
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
