I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
