help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
