that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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