just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
