I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
