you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
