the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
