ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
