Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
