So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
