You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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