Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
