she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
