are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
